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Humor
LENO
Jay Leno is referring to the Cookie Monster. He says "Too many kids nowadays look like Miss Piggy." Then he says some fast food chain (I don't remember which one) is making shakes with three times as much fat as they used to have. "You know why they call them shakes? Because that's what your ass does when you eat them." THE TOP 13 SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN A RAW FOODIE FOR TOO LONG 13. You think milk comes from almonds 12. You'd rather go on a foraging walk than attend the World Series 11. You think a large unsalted pretzel in a movie theater snack display case is a banana twisted into an odd shape 10. You hope you don't get arrested for mail ordering unpasteurized almonds 9. You walk around in a T-shirt that says: "Raw Foodies get their protein from leafy greens and hemp seeds, and besides, humans don't need to eat much protein, contrary to common perception." 8. You walk around in a T-shirt saying: "The question should be: 'How did you survive so long eating too much protein and looking like that?' " 7. You belong to Young-Coconut Water Drinkers Anonymous 6. Baked pumpkin pies show up on your doorstep at Thanksgiving seeking sanctuary 5. You smuggle avocado slices, Celtic Sea Salt and first cold pressed extra virgin olive oil from Spain in dark glass bottles into regular restaurants to spice up their lettuce and tomato salad 4. 118 degrees Fahrenheit is like Kryptonite to you 3. You duck and cover when someone makes popcorn 2. Your bananas were frozen before your assets were 1. You think of Picower as a place to reinforce healthy eating rather than a funnel for making Madoff a bunch of cabbage. |
NEWBIE
A woman who eats cooked food (but is familiar with raw food techniques) is at Quintessence, a NYC raw vegan restaurant, with her daughter, a raw vegan. The woman looks at the description of a dehydrated sun-burger on the menu, then looks up at her daughter. WOMAN: Doesn't it take a while for the customer to wait for the sunburger to be dehydrated? SEINFELD'S KRAMER Here's Kramer talking about finding good quality food. RESTAURANT
We were seated at the restaurant table, my parents, my sister, her older son and me. It was a conventional restaurant, and everyone but me ordered cooked food from the menu. I went outside to get something from the car. I had not yet touched my dinner, which was a salad of lettuce, tomato, avocado and onion, with olive oil that I brought. When I got back from the parking lot, as I was sitting down, my mother said to me: "I was hoping you wouldn't take too long, so that your dinner wouldn't get cold!" ANSWERS TO OUR RAW VEGAN QUIZ If you haven't taken our raw food ingredients test yet, don't read this until you do! 1. What berry is very nutritious and sometimes called a Wolf Berry? • (d) goji berry Goji berries contain more beta carotene than any food on Earth and more than 500 times the vitamin C of oranges by weight. 2. What mildly sweet, raw derivative of rice tastes a bit like malt and is very high in antioxidants? • (b) tocotrienols We no longer recommend using this ingredient, as reports have shown that all rice contains the toxin arsenic. :-( 3. What nutritious ingredient would be essential in raw chocolate chip cookies? • (a) raw cacao nibs These are the "chips." 4. What type of seed is high in protein, very easy to digest and great in smoothies and tabouli? • (d) hemp seed 5. Which ingredient when sliced into strips makes a great substitute for fresh pasta? • (c) Thai coconut Thai coconuts (also known as young coconuts) have softer flesh than the small brown coconuts, pulp that makes nice slithery noodles that are great with fresh marinara sauce, pesto, or any other sauce. 6. Which exotic fruit has the taste and texture of vanilla pudding and makes a fabulous raw ice cream without anything added to it? • (a) white sapote 7. Which ingredient makes a wonderful surprise when mixed into a raw vegan cake batter? • (d) pomegranate seeds In a raw cake, pomegranate seeds retain their integrity and are a surprise like the jelly in a jelly doughnut. You can find a recipe for "Surprise Cake" in "The Little Book of Raw Vegan Holiday Recipes." 8. Which ingredient is hard to find raw in the US since Sept. 1, 2007? • (b) almonds The US Department of Agriculture banned the sale of raw almonds beginning on that day, unless you live near a farm that grows them, and those are all in California. The Cornucopia Institute is forging a court fight on behalf of organic farmers and fans of raw almonds. 9. Which ingredient, when soaked in the water from a young coconut, and mixed with raw nut cream, makes a tasty cereal? • (d) chia seeds 10. Which of the following ingredients is never raw, yet inexplicably appears in some raw food recipes? • (b) maple syrup 11. Which other ingredient is never raw, yet inexplicably appears in some raw food recipes? • (c) nutritional yeast 12. Which ingredient might not always be raw even when the label says it is? Answer: • (e) all of the above Explanation: • (a) honey • (b) extra virgin first cold pressed olive oil from Italy See "The New Yorker" article about this. • (c) raw cashews There is much controversy about whether it's possible for cashews to ever be raw. • (d) raw almonds The USDA, which requires all retail US-grown almonds to be pasteurized, allows pasteurized almonds to be labeled as "raw," which is misleading to consumers. 13. Which of the following foods are usually contaminated with high levels of the toxic heavy metal cadmium?
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